


try

by Antonia_Simmons



Category: Torchwood
Genre: AKA, M/M, if they never mention Damian again i'm gonna be Pissed, what i want to happen in S6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antonia_Simmons/pseuds/Antonia_Simmons
Summary: (mostly) a dialogue-only piece again whoops





	try

**Author's Note:**

> (mostly) a dialogue-only piece again whoops

Tyler has finally found him. All breathing exercises are deserting him. Tyler Steele has finally tracked down Damian Bourne, and now that he's standing right in front of his apartment door, all words and plans have left him, and he wants nothing more than to run again. Run, just run, run far away, never to return. But he's done that once before, and he'll be damned if he ever does it again.  
He holds his breath, and knocks.

[He doesn't even know why Damian doesn't immediately shut the door in his face again, or possibly even punches him once or twice before doing so, just for good measure. Maybe it's something in his face. Maybe Damian can tell he's changed. He sure as fuck hopes so.  
Damian doesn't offer him any tea, and just one hour to explain himself. It's more than he'd ever dreamed he'd get, so he sits down, and after a few false starts, begins.]

**Tyler** : ''I just noticed, as it grew more and more serious between us, that my performance at work would sometimes – too often – suffer because I was thinking of you. Either remembering something you did fondly or going over and over and over through a fight we had for one or another stupid reason. And I found myself fearing, when the news of an attack or a fire nearby came in, whether you were alright. Couldn't concentrate at all.''  
**Damian** : ''… but that's normal.''  
**Tyler** : *sighs* ''I know, technically I knew that. But it was new for _me_. I've never been in a serious relationship before you, never had such strong feelings for anyone. And it scared the shit out of me. The mere thought of everything becoming even more intense over time.... unbearable.''  
**Damian** : ''And so you decided to cheat on me??''  
**Tyler** : ''And so I decided to end our relationship. But without the chance of you coming back even once to beg me to reconsider, because I was certain I wouldn't survive that. Would cave, and it would all start over again.'' *shudders, speaks with difficulty* ''So I had to make you _hate me_.''  
**Damian** : *tries to speak*  
**Tyler** : *won't let him* ''I know what you're thinking. That I'm making it all up, or worse, that I'm a raving lunatic. Maybe the latter's true, even. But at the time I had myself convinced that's what I absolutely needed to do to get ahead in life, and so I did. I felt nothing, with those guys, I felt horrible to be frank. But I had to do, do them, often and publically enough that you'd find out even without me having to tell you.''  
**Damian** : *with only a slight note of bitterness* ''Because that's how much of a coward you are.''  
**Tyler** : *looks up at him for the first time in a while, but doesn't argue* ''And though the crying got less and less over the years, the nightmares didn't. I did my best to ignore them, though; just took stronger sleeping pills. Not that anything could never make me forget the look on your face when I told you I didn't care, or the way I felt in that moment. Like dying. Like I was already dead and in hell.'' *takes a deep, shuddering breath, and hides his face in his hands* ''And all that just to get rid of these feelings inside of me, and because I only realized way, way too late that I'd gotten rid of everything _but_ them.''  
*there is a very long pause*  
**Tyler** : ''…. Please say something.''  
**Damian** : *humorless laugh* *quiet voice* ''Whatever the fuck you expect me to say to that?'' *gives it another minute, before finally asking* ''Even if that's all true... 'If'. I'm not saying I believe you yet. But if. Then why come now? Of all times?? Why wait six years to come back and apologize?''  
**Tyler** : *swallows before taking one more deep breath. He knows this part, at least, by heart.* ''Because I met someone. At work, more or less. At first, I didn't know what to think of him – he appeared to dislike me immensely from the beginning, but I simply couldn't understand why.''  
**Damian** : *snorts*  
**Tyler** : *ignores him* *succeeds mostly* ''Until I figured out: I was simply beneath him. He's... well, 'everything I ever wanted to be' is probably taking it a bit far, but certainly true attitude-wise. For the lack of a better term, he's an absolute badass. Doesn't back down from any fight and always wins, a witty quip at the ready anytime, kinda distant but still likable. And you know what? He's _married_. Happily so. In fact, don't go over to visit them ever if you don't have a very good dentist, is all I'm saying. They're almost disgustingly sweet and soft with each other, it's really -'' *catches himself going off on a tangent, and stops. Refocuses his eyes on Damian's face* ''You see, they made me realize. Love doesn't have to be a weakness, not even the slightest bit, unless you let it be. And...'' *suddenly seems to choke, can't look at Damian anymore* ''and so I decided to track you down. Try again, one last time.''  
**Damian** : *bitterly interrupts* ''You mean, the only time.''  
**Tyler** : ''Try again.'' *somehow manages to look up again* ''I just want you to know that I love you. Always have, and seemingly, always will. And I'm no longer scared of that. I want you to know that, and do whatever you want with that knowledge. Tell me to never, ever contact you again if you still hate me – I know I'd deserve it. But I wanted you to know.''  
*a very long silence follows, with Damian quietly frozen in his seat and Tyler with his face in his hands, neither move a hair*  
**Tyler** : ''… I should leave.'' *gets up to do so*  
**Damian** : *flat voice, still not moving* ''Wait.''  
**Tyler** : *freezes, doesn't dare to turn around* ''What.''  
**Damian** : *finally moves, raising his head* ''There's two of me right now.''  
**Tyler** : *does turn around now, startles seeing Damian stare right at him but doesn't dare, _can't_ look away*  
**Damian** : ''One Damian who wants nothing more than to tell you yes, please, do leave, and never ever come back. Congratulations on your newfound revelations, I wish you all the best with your remaining life – I really do – but live it far away from _me_.''  
**Tyler** : *still transfixed, barely dares to breathe*  
**Damian** : *getting up now* ''The other one though.'' *walking towards Tyler* ''The other one just wants to grab you by the shoulders and shake you, and scream 'Prove it!!' If you've truly 'realized' something, truly want to change, then PROVE IT. Stay. Don't even think about walking out of that door unless you have to. Stay, and prove that you mean it. Work at it hard enough and I might actually one day...'' *stops himself, runs a hand through his hair*  
**Tyler** : *swallows, dares* ''Forgive me?''  
**Damian** : *fixes him with a hard stare* ''Believe you. Whether or not I'll ever fully forgive you, not even I know right now. But.... I'm willing to give you a chance, just the one.''  
**Tyler** : ''… Okay.''

**Author's Note:**

> Btw in my headcanon, Damian is trans. And no, that totally doesn't have anything to do with another well known trans man named Damien, nothing at all!!! .. Yeah.  
> I decided not to include that fact in this fic though, because even though that would've made for excellent angsty material, it would also put Damian in a more vulnerable position, and that's the last thing I wanted in this scenario. So just assume that no matter how hard/cruel Tyler got trying to convince Damian he didn't want him anymore, he also made it v clear it has nothing to do with _that_ , so it's not that much of a topic between them anymore. Thanks! (Saying this here bc I might write more about it in the future.)


End file.
